I really need to quit forgetting to write anything in here. Good thing it's a free website, otherwise I'd be wasting a lot of money.
Anyways, I'm in a fair amount of physical pain right now. The biggest thing in my teeth. I'm fairly certain I have an abscess. I have pretty much all the symptoms, and it looks exactly like the tamer pictures that you get when you Google "tooth abscess" (except right now, my little puss-bit thingie is black...). Going to go to the hospital tomorrow to get a root canal or something to fix it. One of the hospitals here has a dental center, which is a really good thing because I called quite a few places to try and get in to see a dentist, but since I'd be a new patient, what very few places that were both accepting new patients and take Molina Healthcare (that's the insurance I have) all said I'd have to wait at least two or three weeks for them to be able to fit me in. Mind you, a part of my gums is turning black, my mouth bleeds so bad every time that I brush my teeth that I have bloodstains on my toothbrush, I'm in constant, agonizing pain, and it hurts to chew anything that isn't the consistency of pudding, so waiting three weeks would be a very bad idea. Also, apparently if you leave it alone long enough, an oral abscess can kill you. Yeah, I'd like to avoid that part. Also, I hate my mouth constantly tasting of blood and puss...
Lost another "friend", also. Doug went batshit insane and bullied me like mad crazy, but I'm over it and don't really feel like going into it any more. Just thought you guys might want to know. Oh, and because of the crap Doug was telling people about us, we lost Dave as a friend, and apparently Rob as a friend, too (because it's been over a month since Rob has acknowledged us in any way, shape or form), and Zach is on severe probation. Probably a good thing I got rid of them. Or that they got rid of themselves, I should say. It's nice having friends who aren't 20 year old guys. No offense against 20 year olds in general, just against the really immature ones (and the really immature 43 year olds, too). And that's pretty much all the name calling I'm allowing myself.
Edit: It would seem that all it took to fix things with Rob and Zach was talking for a few minutes. They were being a bit immature, true, but not as much as I thought (since they weren't talking to me, I had no way of knowing what was going on). So yeah, good to know that everything could've been fixed a few weeks ago this easily... >_< At least there are two less people in the world that hate me. I did miss them.
The kittens aren't exactly kittens any more. They're what my friend Kelly refers to as "cattens": halfway between kitten and cat. They're going completely insane, apparently. The bedroom door has to stay closed now, because they run across the bed while we sleep and cut the crap out of Ben with their nails (even when we've recently trimmed them). They also jump all over us, and make tons of noise by messing with the blinds and knocking stuff over. So yeah, they've officially lost going-to-bed-with-mommy-and-daddy privileges. They still don't understand the concept of the scratching post. They knock it over, they play on top of it, they chew on it, but they have never once scratched it. I guess they don't need to, because the couch and the mattress work perfectly fine. I've turned into the disciplinarian, because when I yell at them to get off the table or the kitchen counters they listen; when Ben yells at them for the same things, they ignore him. They still do cute things like fall asleep on us, though, so it's all good. And sometimes Pocky goes psycho in her tail chasing, jumping up and down and spinning all around, trying to catch the thing. She does it in the kitchen, so the entire time she's jumping around around, she's also slipping all over the place because of the smooth floor. So. Much. Cute! <3 <3 <3
Got a few other problems physically. I can't get a full night's sleep anymore, not for the last two weeks, at least. I fall asleep quickly, just like normal people do, just like I've always wanted, but I wake up after five or six hours in large quantities of pain, mostly in my back. No matter how I lay after I wake up like this, being in bed just hurts too freaking much. So I've been tired a lot, but at least I've been getting up at daytime hours. It's weird being awake at 10am, but not because I haven't went to bed yet. >_< I'm going to try seeing a doctor about it soon, or if it doesn't get too bad, I'll just wait for my appointment on the 22nd. I've also been getting dizzy and sick to my stomach, and almost throwing up and passing out, and I'mma bring all that up, too. Cuz yeah, being sick sucks. Being that sick, for two weeks straight... Yeah, fuck that shit.
I'm once again trying out the freelance writing game. I signed up with a website called Freelancer. I bid on jobs there, instead of trying to come up with articles out of nowhere. I just bid on my first job today, a creative blog post job where I'd get $10 for 350 words. No idea if I'll win the bid, but at least I'm trying, right? It'd be nice to have a bit of extra money to toss around.
Oh, and I must pimp one more thing before I'm done with this post: LibraryThing is one of my newest addictions. It's this site that lets you catalog your books (kinda like GoodReads, except they don't let you update your progress), but that's not the cool part. The cool part is the Early Reviewers program. You can sign up to win books before they're released to the general public. The more books you have listed on your profile, the more likely you are to win one. All they require is that you read it somewhat quickly (no strict rule, but I figure they'd prefer you do it within a month or so of getting it) and review it when you're done. It doesn't have to be a glowing review, it just has to be what you thought of it. The only bad part about the site is that the free account only lets you add 200 books. I'm a bad, bad girl, and I'm seriously considering paying the $25 for the lifetime membership, because that way I can add infinite books (considering the fact that I'm sure I have at the very least 1,500 books between paper and ebooks by now). Also, the Early Reviewers program picks the book(s) that you win based off of what's in your library. Right now, I only have a large majority of the stuff on my Nook (the ones not on my Kindle app, I mean). Those aren't exactly the best of examples for them to look at while picking out free books for me. But yeah, I've won three books in the last two months (two ebooks and a paperback). Nice, no?
I've been cataloging my book collection on this app I found for free. It's taking forever to do so because the input process is terrible (also, see earlier comment about how many books I have), but it makes my occasional OCD happy. That, and when I finish, I'll be able to figure out what book to start next soooooooooooooooo much easier. ^_^ I'll know what books I have, how long they are, where they are, what they're about, and all without doing anything other than opening up the app on my Nook. That makes OCDBibliophileAmber very happy.
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Guess what me, Ben, and Rich went and saw earlier? Guardians Of The Galaxy! The theater that Ben works at shows certain new releases the day before they come out in most theaters, so we went to the 7pm showing in IMAX 3D. The movie was incredible amazing awesome win, but the conditions in which we saw it sucked. It had nothing to do with the theater itself, so no worries. We just got there a few minutes late, so we were stuck in the second row (we were only about three yards from the screen). My neck still hurts from staring up at the screen the entire movie, and it was literally impossible to see the entire screen all at once. That, and IMAX 3D movies give me a wicked headache. I learned this back in November when me and Ben went to see Thor 2. Ugh. The movie was good enough to make the headache and neck strain worth it, but still, oww. I won't give any spoilers away, because I'm nice like that (and don't want to deal with death threats), but I will say if you like stuff like Firefly/Serenity, you'd definitely love this. It had that same kinda feel to it, you know? We plan on seeing it at least two or three more times before it leaves theaters, it was THAT. GOOD. And for those of you not used to Marvel movies, don't forget to stay behind for the bits at the end and after the credits.
Gonna try to write in here more often. Hopefully, I can actually keep that promise. Somebody yell at me if I don't start writing in here more often.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Monday, June 9, 2014
Wall Of Text
So, it would seem that I've finally grown enough of a spine to start getting rid of those "friends" in my life that do nothing but use and abuse me and my good nature. First, I got rid of Jeff for stalking me and using the apartment as a way to control my every little action. Now I just got rid of Karyn, who's been my friend for about 15 years, and has most likely been using me for that long. For the last few years (think four or five), she's pretty much all but ignored me unless she needed something, like when she got dumped by her last boyfriend, who was an abusive drug user, and if I remember correctly, a dealer as well. She had to leave Detroit to go back to her hometown in Pennsylvania, and she stopped by my parents' house to stay the night. Before and after that, we talked almost not at all. Until her most recent phase of holier-than-thou. A few weeks ago, I made the mistake of posting on Facebook during a panic attack, talking about how bad I felt at the moment. She made sure to start an argument about how I shouldn't have kids until I was 100% perfect better sane or whatever. What pissed me off the most about this is that I have ALWAYS been more stable than her. I was the one who always talked her out of committing suicide when I was in college. I was always the one who tried to make her feel better after another failed-from-the-start relationship. I was the one who tried to nicely convince her to stop with the drugs already. But she seems to enjoy forgetting everything good I've ever done for her when there's a chance to make herself look like she knows everything on the planet. She said I had to be completely better to have kids. NO ONE gets 100% better. Ever. Especially her. But nooooooo, gods forbid she actually think things like a normal human person would think.
I'm just so fucking pissed right now. Now that I'm not in denial about her being my best friend forever, I'm remembering all the horrible shit she's done to me over the years. There was this one time where she let me have a website off of hers. I built it up and did everything I could to make it good for the people paying me to post about their products. I worked my ass off on it, and it was paying off to the tune of about $100 or so a month, straight to my PayPal account. Now, this was years ago, when that was my ONLY source of revenue. I had no job, and got no money anywhere else. This is important, because she was also hosting a forum website that we both belonged to. She was very... touchy about anything that didn't go completely her way, and always over reacted on everything. I can't even remember what it was, but someone on the board pissed her off, and she threw a temper tantrum and deleted everything connected to her website. She kept saying that it was an accident, but everyone knew she was lying through her teeth, myself included. But I defended her, because I thought she was my friend. I seem to recall being the only one who defended her. Even though her temper tantrum made me lose my only source of income. Months and months of hard work, all ruined because she threw a hissy fit. But did I stop being her friend? No, because I'm a pathetic person who does everything she can to keep a friend, no matter how badly they treat her. Thus, even more years of being used. But I'm done. I deleted her off of everything, and at this point, I doubt she'll even notice me missing from her friends list. It's so full of her sycophants that she'd never notice one of the few people who stayed by no matter what gone. But good riddance. I didn't think I could last another second holding in the fact that her baby makes Ethiopian kids look fat, and that she needs to fucking feed him. Yeah, I shouldn't have kids because I occasionally have panic attacks, and was on meds at the time she started the argument, but she can neglect her kid all she wants. Seriously, you probably shouldn't have kids if you had gastric bypass surgery. That teeny little stomach is made to mostly starve you to death without actually killing you. It is nowhere near big enough to support a growing fetus if it's too small to completely support you. I hope somebody else (not one of her fawning minions) realizes that she can't support this child with her own body and gives him some damn formula. Every time she posted a picture, I wanted to cry. He has no meat on him at all, and he's barely been growing. It's terrible. I really hope she doesn't kill him out of her stupidity.
But yeah, I keep getting pissed off at things, and maybe that's a good thing. I've been letting people use me for way too long. I have a really bad problem with low self-esteem, always have. I blame Mandy for starting that rumor in third grade that literally ruined my life, but that will need its own post (or probably posts, it's a very long, very depressing story). I'm always so afraid of being alone, and all my friends leaving me. I'm not worth staying around. I do and say stupid shit all the time, and eventually, everyone will figure out that they actually hate me and leave. It's actually happened before, a lot, so now I always think that's how everybody feels. I'm not quite right in the head, you know. I'm afraid my friends will ditch me, and Ben will dump, and I'll have nothing left. So I always let my friends get away with murder and then some, just so they won't leave. I become the doormat to avoid the risk of losing anyone. That's a horrible way to live, and I'm trying to stop, but it's hard. I'm getting better, though, so that's pretty good.
When I'm on my meds, I feel like a zombie. I don't feel depressed (usually), but I don't feel much of anything else, either. I need to get things figured out. I need to go into Welfare the next day that Ben doesn't work (cuz he needs to be there if we're going to apply for food stamps) and get a list of doctors and therapists I can see. It's been a few months since I last talked to a therapist, and boy do I need it. I need to talk about Jeff and Karyn and all this other shit with someone who can help me figure why I can't let go of the stress. also, it'd be nice to see a medical doctor. The nurse practitioner and the retard who replaced her when she went on maternity leave were completely worthless. I'd like to get something for these constant headaches, and maybe get a not-retarded answer as to why I get violently ill when I get too overheated. It'd be nice to not spend the entire summer in the bathroom vomiting and shitting liquid. Sorry for the TMI, but nobody ever really gets the severity of the issue if I just say I get sick. Oh, and I should apologize for using the term "retarded". Calling those two retarded is an insult to all retarded people, they were that fucking stupid. Oh my fucking gods.
In slightly more peppy news, the kitties are doing great. I keep trying to get a good picture of them to post here and on Facebook, but they all come out blurry. I think my camera's starting to get too old (I got it for Christmas when I was still with Jim about five or six years ago). I can try posting the blurry ones, if people actually want to see them. Maybe I could just hook my webcam back up and take pictures that way? *shrugs*
Been reading webcomics absolutely obsessively as of late. I've gone through the archives of soooooooooooo many. I started Something Positive a few days ago when I finished Punch An' Pie, and I forgot how much I love that webcomic. I've been laughing my ass off, to the point of Ben giving me very confused looks. I should probably do something more productive than reading webcomics, such as cleaning, but anybody who's known me for very long knows how I am when I go into addictive mode. I figure I'll get bored with them sooner or later and move on, so might as well enjoy this while it lasts. Whee!
I need to start writing again. I have all this free time, but I never use it on anything important. I finally know how I want to end "The Gamer Gods Are Smiling", and all I need to do is write it down, but I'm just too lazy as of late. And don't even get me started on my novel. Ugh! I have my muse, now all I need is my motivation. Yeah, I don't think that really exists any more, so I guess I'm screwed. >_<
I'm taking a break from gaming. Our Thursday night game became Endless Argument Night, and the stress was killing me. I stopped giving any shit about that game whatsoever about a month or so before it ended. All Rich did was bitch, and Rob just couldn't seem to wrap his head around the fact that he can't cheat the rules all the time, and Kieran was Kieran, no explanation needed there. It stopped being fun, and instead became the ultimate headache. The Friday night game was pretty cool, but mostly cuz I used it as a way to hang out with my friends instead of actually paying much attention to the game. There was still a ton of bitching, but at least I could ignore it easier by joking around with the ones not arguing. I haven't been able to think very well for the last few months, and that makes role playing really hard. I dunno.
Speaking of a mental fog, I'm starting to wonder if I have fibromyalgia. I was looking up the list of symptoms, and it would make sense. I'm tired all the time, and my brain is always in a fog, and my everything hurts pretty much all the time, and I've had this exact same endless headache for a few years now. It's hereditary, too, so the fact that my mom has it makes it more likely. Also, the fact that I have restless leg syndrome and possibly sleep apnea (you do not give an Ambien to a chick who says she only occasionally takes OTC sleeping pills if you're trying to test her for sleep apnea... idiots). I'mma hit up the library soon, get me a book on fibromyalgia, see if I can figure this all out. It would make a lot of stuff make more sense, though. And now that I'm thinking about it, I think my grandma either had the diagnosis of it, or had it sans diagnosis. I'll hafta ask my mom the next time I talk to her. It'd be nice to not have to be taking ibuprofen constantly for a headache that the ibuprofen does almost nothing for. Also, it would mean that I didn't actually have something wrong with my back. If I did have it, and they gave me the right pills, maybe I'd stop waking up with my back screaming and not being to move from the pain for the first minute or so. Oh, that'd be wonderful.
Really need to start exercising. We have all these DVDs we could use, and wonderful places around town to go for walks. The bikes are out until we can replace his back tire, but we can still do all the other stuff. It's not all my fault, though. He's being lazy, too. Bad Ben, no biscuit. ^_^ We severely need to go for a walk when he gets off of work today. Maybe to the library, so as to kill two birds with one stone. And maybe they'll be nice, fat birds that we can cook up and have for dinner. We are a bit short on groceries and money to buy groceries with. I wonder what pigeon tastes like? Heh heh heh...
I'm just so fucking pissed right now. Now that I'm not in denial about her being my best friend forever, I'm remembering all the horrible shit she's done to me over the years. There was this one time where she let me have a website off of hers. I built it up and did everything I could to make it good for the people paying me to post about their products. I worked my ass off on it, and it was paying off to the tune of about $100 or so a month, straight to my PayPal account. Now, this was years ago, when that was my ONLY source of revenue. I had no job, and got no money anywhere else. This is important, because she was also hosting a forum website that we both belonged to. She was very... touchy about anything that didn't go completely her way, and always over reacted on everything. I can't even remember what it was, but someone on the board pissed her off, and she threw a temper tantrum and deleted everything connected to her website. She kept saying that it was an accident, but everyone knew she was lying through her teeth, myself included. But I defended her, because I thought she was my friend. I seem to recall being the only one who defended her. Even though her temper tantrum made me lose my only source of income. Months and months of hard work, all ruined because she threw a hissy fit. But did I stop being her friend? No, because I'm a pathetic person who does everything she can to keep a friend, no matter how badly they treat her. Thus, even more years of being used. But I'm done. I deleted her off of everything, and at this point, I doubt she'll even notice me missing from her friends list. It's so full of her sycophants that she'd never notice one of the few people who stayed by no matter what gone. But good riddance. I didn't think I could last another second holding in the fact that her baby makes Ethiopian kids look fat, and that she needs to fucking feed him. Yeah, I shouldn't have kids because I occasionally have panic attacks, and was on meds at the time she started the argument, but she can neglect her kid all she wants. Seriously, you probably shouldn't have kids if you had gastric bypass surgery. That teeny little stomach is made to mostly starve you to death without actually killing you. It is nowhere near big enough to support a growing fetus if it's too small to completely support you. I hope somebody else (not one of her fawning minions) realizes that she can't support this child with her own body and gives him some damn formula. Every time she posted a picture, I wanted to cry. He has no meat on him at all, and he's barely been growing. It's terrible. I really hope she doesn't kill him out of her stupidity.
But yeah, I keep getting pissed off at things, and maybe that's a good thing. I've been letting people use me for way too long. I have a really bad problem with low self-esteem, always have. I blame Mandy for starting that rumor in third grade that literally ruined my life, but that will need its own post (or probably posts, it's a very long, very depressing story). I'm always so afraid of being alone, and all my friends leaving me. I'm not worth staying around. I do and say stupid shit all the time, and eventually, everyone will figure out that they actually hate me and leave. It's actually happened before, a lot, so now I always think that's how everybody feels. I'm not quite right in the head, you know. I'm afraid my friends will ditch me, and Ben will dump, and I'll have nothing left. So I always let my friends get away with murder and then some, just so they won't leave. I become the doormat to avoid the risk of losing anyone. That's a horrible way to live, and I'm trying to stop, but it's hard. I'm getting better, though, so that's pretty good.
When I'm on my meds, I feel like a zombie. I don't feel depressed (usually), but I don't feel much of anything else, either. I need to get things figured out. I need to go into Welfare the next day that Ben doesn't work (cuz he needs to be there if we're going to apply for food stamps) and get a list of doctors and therapists I can see. It's been a few months since I last talked to a therapist, and boy do I need it. I need to talk about Jeff and Karyn and all this other shit with someone who can help me figure why I can't let go of the stress. also, it'd be nice to see a medical doctor. The nurse practitioner and the retard who replaced her when she went on maternity leave were completely worthless. I'd like to get something for these constant headaches, and maybe get a not-retarded answer as to why I get violently ill when I get too overheated. It'd be nice to not spend the entire summer in the bathroom vomiting and shitting liquid. Sorry for the TMI, but nobody ever really gets the severity of the issue if I just say I get sick. Oh, and I should apologize for using the term "retarded". Calling those two retarded is an insult to all retarded people, they were that fucking stupid. Oh my fucking gods.
In slightly more peppy news, the kitties are doing great. I keep trying to get a good picture of them to post here and on Facebook, but they all come out blurry. I think my camera's starting to get too old (I got it for Christmas when I was still with Jim about five or six years ago). I can try posting the blurry ones, if people actually want to see them. Maybe I could just hook my webcam back up and take pictures that way? *shrugs*
Been reading webcomics absolutely obsessively as of late. I've gone through the archives of soooooooooooo many. I started Something Positive a few days ago when I finished Punch An' Pie, and I forgot how much I love that webcomic. I've been laughing my ass off, to the point of Ben giving me very confused looks. I should probably do something more productive than reading webcomics, such as cleaning, but anybody who's known me for very long knows how I am when I go into addictive mode. I figure I'll get bored with them sooner or later and move on, so might as well enjoy this while it lasts. Whee!
I need to start writing again. I have all this free time, but I never use it on anything important. I finally know how I want to end "The Gamer Gods Are Smiling", and all I need to do is write it down, but I'm just too lazy as of late. And don't even get me started on my novel. Ugh! I have my muse, now all I need is my motivation. Yeah, I don't think that really exists any more, so I guess I'm screwed. >_<
I'm taking a break from gaming. Our Thursday night game became Endless Argument Night, and the stress was killing me. I stopped giving any shit about that game whatsoever about a month or so before it ended. All Rich did was bitch, and Rob just couldn't seem to wrap his head around the fact that he can't cheat the rules all the time, and Kieran was Kieran, no explanation needed there. It stopped being fun, and instead became the ultimate headache. The Friday night game was pretty cool, but mostly cuz I used it as a way to hang out with my friends instead of actually paying much attention to the game. There was still a ton of bitching, but at least I could ignore it easier by joking around with the ones not arguing. I haven't been able to think very well for the last few months, and that makes role playing really hard. I dunno.
Speaking of a mental fog, I'm starting to wonder if I have fibromyalgia. I was looking up the list of symptoms, and it would make sense. I'm tired all the time, and my brain is always in a fog, and my everything hurts pretty much all the time, and I've had this exact same endless headache for a few years now. It's hereditary, too, so the fact that my mom has it makes it more likely. Also, the fact that I have restless leg syndrome and possibly sleep apnea (you do not give an Ambien to a chick who says she only occasionally takes OTC sleeping pills if you're trying to test her for sleep apnea... idiots). I'mma hit up the library soon, get me a book on fibromyalgia, see if I can figure this all out. It would make a lot of stuff make more sense, though. And now that I'm thinking about it, I think my grandma either had the diagnosis of it, or had it sans diagnosis. I'll hafta ask my mom the next time I talk to her. It'd be nice to not have to be taking ibuprofen constantly for a headache that the ibuprofen does almost nothing for. Also, it would mean that I didn't actually have something wrong with my back. If I did have it, and they gave me the right pills, maybe I'd stop waking up with my back screaming and not being to move from the pain for the first minute or so. Oh, that'd be wonderful.
Really need to start exercising. We have all these DVDs we could use, and wonderful places around town to go for walks. The bikes are out until we can replace his back tire, but we can still do all the other stuff. It's not all my fault, though. He's being lazy, too. Bad Ben, no biscuit. ^_^ We severely need to go for a walk when he gets off of work today. Maybe to the library, so as to kill two birds with one stone. And maybe they'll be nice, fat birds that we can cook up and have for dinner. We are a bit short on groceries and money to buy groceries with. I wonder what pigeon tastes like? Heh heh heh...
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Gonna Be A Human Today
I'm up and awake. I'm drinking caffeine to stay up. I slept last night. I plan on eating soon. And I'm not depressed (at the moment). I've been trying to be a bit of a normal human lately, and some days it actually works. Yays! I haven't exactly been able to sleep as of late. Insomnia times a million, basically. Not fun. Thus, sleeping pills have been purchased and are being taken at night. I live near friends and fun stuff and have better internet and live with the bestest fiancee ever. I need to be awake to enjoy all this. So yeah, yays!
So much to update on (cuz I'm lazy as fuck and never update this thing). Lots of stressful shit happened. Ugh. But at least i feel better now. And we have kittens! Baby cutie kitty babies! I'll hafta post pictures as soon as I get some good ones (they're not much for posing yet).
Biggest stressor: the Jeff bullshit I just went through. To sum it up, he was a controlling bitch. The first, and most glaring sign that he was way bad news should've been when he tried to talk me and Ben out of getting married, just because he had two failed marriages. Or he had a thing for me, which is what everybody else seems to think. I dunno. Anyway, when we got engaged, I invited him to be part of the wedding party, and he said we weren't allowed to move in with him if we got married. Made it out to be that we were doing the stupidest thing possible because our marriage was going to fail, etc. He said he'd feel "uncomfortable" if we lived with him and we were married. Utter bullshit, basically. But since we needed the place to live, I caved immediately so as not to piss him off. John's training dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen. So, if it was just that, he'd be a bitch, I'd deal with it, we'd move on. Then started the phone calls.
He was a truck driver, as I may have said earlier. I can't remember. Anyway, not much to do while you're driving. So he'd call his family and friends to talk. I understand that completely. Driving sucks. So, he'd call about two or three times a day, wanting to talk. Mostly about boring shit that made my ears bleed, but I wanted to be a good friend, so I listened. That was a few months ago. The number kept going up, though. Four calls, five, six a day. By the end of the friendship, it was AT LEAST 7 a day. I told him, repeatedly, to not call in the morning or in the early afternoon because I'd be asleep. At least three calls every day woke me up. I didn't answer them, obviously, but they kept coming! It didn't matter how many times I told him to not call when I was asleep, he KEPT CALLING. 9am, 11am, 12:15pm. Fuck! And when I did answer, he insisted on talking about himself for two godsdamned hours. Bitch bitch bitch,. complain complain complain. Or worse, I'd get his entire fucking schedule recited to me like I gave a shit. Gods. So yeah, after awhile of this 7 times a day bullshit, I stopped answering when I didn't feel like talking to him, which was more and more often as this insult to me continued. Well, I didn't answer or send back any messages for about two days, and he sent me this manipulative as fuck message about how since he couldn't "trust me to answer my phones", he couldn't "trust me to be a good roommate". I shit you not. Two fucking days. Gods.
Well, he he sent that text around 1am. At 6am, he called, and Ben was so pissed at this point that he answered the phone. Ben was completely polite, and told him that I was asleep, and we didn't appreciate the seven+ calls a day. Jeff, who was already pissy when Ben answered the phone and raring for a fight (bitch) said that we needed to have a talk about the apartment, in a VERY pissy tone, and Ben told him what we should have said after we "weren't allowed to get married": If you're going to be like this about everything, we don't want to live with you after all. So yeah, we're not moving in with him ever, or even talking to him.
He sent me an email the other day, saying that he called so much cuz I mentioned that I wasn't sleeping well and having trouble with my meds. You know what Jeff? Fuck away off and die. If you're going to be an uber-cunt, don't try and fix everything with pathetic lies. You wanted to use me like a doormat, and didn't appreciate me growing a spine. Die in a fire. I just hope he doesn't start stalking me at Guild or something. I could totally see him doing that. Thank the gods we can get him banned from our room for bothering us. Haven't heard from him in awhile, though, so hopefully he did fuck off. I don't need ass holes like that in my life. If I wanted somebody to use me and treat me like shit to make themselves feel better, I'd just go back to living with John. At least that way, I got free food.
So yeah, all kinds of stress there. At least it's over. I hope. Sorry for bitching like that. I just had to get it all out. I still haven't got my damn Medicaid transferred over, so I can't see a therapist yet. Ugh.
Another extra-stressful thing that I went through was a nice week-long suicidal fest. I got massive depressed because I was going off of one of my meds (the anti-psychotic that I went through the horrible withdrawal systems from a few years back when I lost my insurance). I had a whole bunch of panic attacks, and had to talk myself out of cutting quite a few times. Lots of crying, lots of suck. Thank the gods that Ben was great through the whole thing. I feel better now, too, so that's extra great. I hate being depressed.
Now, about my new adorable babies. We got them almost two weeks ago (has it really been that long?). My friend Candice said that one of her neighbors had a Free Kittens sign up in their yard, so we went by and picked out two females. We got two so they could keep each other company and play with each other (which they do, a lot). The grey one is named Wasabi, and she doesn't really like being held too much. She's very vocal, and loveloveloves any toys that make a noise. Her sists is black with white toes, and we named her Pocky. She was the run of the litter, and she's still so freaking tiny. She's very needy and clingy, and loves sleeping on laps and shoulders and under the covers with me in bed. They're both absolute purr bugs, and they're so silly. They seem to trade out the alpha and beta positions on a regular basis. One will be in control and win all the fights, then a few hours later, the positions will be reversed. It's so damn cute. They sleep a whole bunch, of course, and they love sleeping together, curled up into a cuddle puddle. Right now, Pocky is asleep behind my back in the desk chair. Dawwwwwwww. I need to start taking pictures of them. They only stay this small for a short time (though who can tell with Pocky).
Get to go to Yellow Springs with Scott today. Woohoo! Yellow Springs fucking rocks! It's this almost-hippie-commune type thing. A very artsy town, you know? They have a whole bunch of great art stores, and lots of stuff like used book stores and pagan stores and all kinds of other tasty. Tons of coffee shops, too. I'mma hit up the pagan store and drool. Maybe spend a little bit of the $25 me and Ben saved up on some cool stuff. Definitely going to get a few more buttons for my purse at the comic book store. I'm obsessed with covering the entire front of my purse with buttons. I'm about half way there. Might hafta hit up Hot Topic at one point, too, see if they still sell buttons. ^_^
Sometimes things don't seem real, but most of the time it doesn't matter. I dunno. I just... I don't think I can ever know who I really am, what really is. So I just hafta deal with it and move on. It's hard, a lot. Really hard. I don't think I can deal with it. Not really. But I guess I'll just see where this unreality leads me. I need to get back into magick. That always helped. If the world isn't real, at least I can can learn how to throw fireballs.
So much to update on (cuz I'm lazy as fuck and never update this thing). Lots of stressful shit happened. Ugh. But at least i feel better now. And we have kittens! Baby cutie kitty babies! I'll hafta post pictures as soon as I get some good ones (they're not much for posing yet).
Biggest stressor: the Jeff bullshit I just went through. To sum it up, he was a controlling bitch. The first, and most glaring sign that he was way bad news should've been when he tried to talk me and Ben out of getting married, just because he had two failed marriages. Or he had a thing for me, which is what everybody else seems to think. I dunno. Anyway, when we got engaged, I invited him to be part of the wedding party, and he said we weren't allowed to move in with him if we got married. Made it out to be that we were doing the stupidest thing possible because our marriage was going to fail, etc. He said he'd feel "uncomfortable" if we lived with him and we were married. Utter bullshit, basically. But since we needed the place to live, I caved immediately so as not to piss him off. John's training dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen. So, if it was just that, he'd be a bitch, I'd deal with it, we'd move on. Then started the phone calls.
He was a truck driver, as I may have said earlier. I can't remember. Anyway, not much to do while you're driving. So he'd call his family and friends to talk. I understand that completely. Driving sucks. So, he'd call about two or three times a day, wanting to talk. Mostly about boring shit that made my ears bleed, but I wanted to be a good friend, so I listened. That was a few months ago. The number kept going up, though. Four calls, five, six a day. By the end of the friendship, it was AT LEAST 7 a day. I told him, repeatedly, to not call in the morning or in the early afternoon because I'd be asleep. At least three calls every day woke me up. I didn't answer them, obviously, but they kept coming! It didn't matter how many times I told him to not call when I was asleep, he KEPT CALLING. 9am, 11am, 12:15pm. Fuck! And when I did answer, he insisted on talking about himself for two godsdamned hours. Bitch bitch bitch,. complain complain complain. Or worse, I'd get his entire fucking schedule recited to me like I gave a shit. Gods. So yeah, after awhile of this 7 times a day bullshit, I stopped answering when I didn't feel like talking to him, which was more and more often as this insult to me continued. Well, I didn't answer or send back any messages for about two days, and he sent me this manipulative as fuck message about how since he couldn't "trust me to answer my phones", he couldn't "trust me to be a good roommate". I shit you not. Two fucking days. Gods.
Well, he he sent that text around 1am. At 6am, he called, and Ben was so pissed at this point that he answered the phone. Ben was completely polite, and told him that I was asleep, and we didn't appreciate the seven+ calls a day. Jeff, who was already pissy when Ben answered the phone and raring for a fight (bitch) said that we needed to have a talk about the apartment, in a VERY pissy tone, and Ben told him what we should have said after we "weren't allowed to get married": If you're going to be like this about everything, we don't want to live with you after all. So yeah, we're not moving in with him ever, or even talking to him.
He sent me an email the other day, saying that he called so much cuz I mentioned that I wasn't sleeping well and having trouble with my meds. You know what Jeff? Fuck away off and die. If you're going to be an uber-cunt, don't try and fix everything with pathetic lies. You wanted to use me like a doormat, and didn't appreciate me growing a spine. Die in a fire. I just hope he doesn't start stalking me at Guild or something. I could totally see him doing that. Thank the gods we can get him banned from our room for bothering us. Haven't heard from him in awhile, though, so hopefully he did fuck off. I don't need ass holes like that in my life. If I wanted somebody to use me and treat me like shit to make themselves feel better, I'd just go back to living with John. At least that way, I got free food.
So yeah, all kinds of stress there. At least it's over. I hope. Sorry for bitching like that. I just had to get it all out. I still haven't got my damn Medicaid transferred over, so I can't see a therapist yet. Ugh.
Another extra-stressful thing that I went through was a nice week-long suicidal fest. I got massive depressed because I was going off of one of my meds (the anti-psychotic that I went through the horrible withdrawal systems from a few years back when I lost my insurance). I had a whole bunch of panic attacks, and had to talk myself out of cutting quite a few times. Lots of crying, lots of suck. Thank the gods that Ben was great through the whole thing. I feel better now, too, so that's extra great. I hate being depressed.
Now, about my new adorable babies. We got them almost two weeks ago (has it really been that long?). My friend Candice said that one of her neighbors had a Free Kittens sign up in their yard, so we went by and picked out two females. We got two so they could keep each other company and play with each other (which they do, a lot). The grey one is named Wasabi, and she doesn't really like being held too much. She's very vocal, and loveloveloves any toys that make a noise. Her sists is black with white toes, and we named her Pocky. She was the run of the litter, and she's still so freaking tiny. She's very needy and clingy, and loves sleeping on laps and shoulders and under the covers with me in bed. They're both absolute purr bugs, and they're so silly. They seem to trade out the alpha and beta positions on a regular basis. One will be in control and win all the fights, then a few hours later, the positions will be reversed. It's so damn cute. They sleep a whole bunch, of course, and they love sleeping together, curled up into a cuddle puddle. Right now, Pocky is asleep behind my back in the desk chair. Dawwwwwwww. I need to start taking pictures of them. They only stay this small for a short time (though who can tell with Pocky).
Get to go to Yellow Springs with Scott today. Woohoo! Yellow Springs fucking rocks! It's this almost-hippie-commune type thing. A very artsy town, you know? They have a whole bunch of great art stores, and lots of stuff like used book stores and pagan stores and all kinds of other tasty. Tons of coffee shops, too. I'mma hit up the pagan store and drool. Maybe spend a little bit of the $25 me and Ben saved up on some cool stuff. Definitely going to get a few more buttons for my purse at the comic book store. I'm obsessed with covering the entire front of my purse with buttons. I'm about half way there. Might hafta hit up Hot Topic at one point, too, see if they still sell buttons. ^_^
Sometimes things don't seem real, but most of the time it doesn't matter. I dunno. I just... I don't think I can ever know who I really am, what really is. So I just hafta deal with it and move on. It's hard, a lot. Really hard. I don't think I can deal with it. Not really. But I guess I'll just see where this unreality leads me. I need to get back into magick. That always helped. If the world isn't real, at least I can can learn how to throw fireballs.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Lessons Learned
I am so sorry if I worried anybody with my last post. I really shouldn't post when I'm in the middle of a panic attack. It's never a good idea. I made it through though, as you may have guessed, so at least there's that.
I am all moved. Have been since April 19th. Finances are extra tight, but we're making do. Aldi is our best friend, and I've been using my UDF card thingie (like the Speedway ones) to help with gas costs. Ben's going to look into a seasonal job at the same place our friend Rob works, loading cars at a garden center. After that, he's agreed to try and find a different job. And great news, he's going to start paying on his student loans when we move in with Jeff in two months (cuz our costs will but cut down quite a bit with a third person paying). All kinds of great news.
I was out of all my psych meds for a week or so, and the damn Rite Aid STILL hasn't filled one of them (the one that helps with the hallucinations). Unfortunately, that's the one with really bad withdrawal effects. Ugh. So I've been sleeping and not doing much the last few days. I'm trying to get myself out of that funk, and it's working bit by bit. So yays!
I've been using MyFitnessPal again for the past week or so. I've lost a few pounds already (seven, to be exact, though I bet a lot of that was water weight). It's nice to see the numbers go down on the scale again. I'm also on the poor diet, too, so that's a lot of it. The poor diet, for those who don't know, is what you go on when you're poor and can't afford snack foods and sweets. For obsessive snackers like me, it works wonders. Though I do miss cake. And cookies. And brownies. And candy. And chocolate. And chips. And popcorn. You can see where this is going. Though we have been bad. On Friday, we bought a carton of Chocolate Moose Tracks at Meijer (did you know they no longer have the half gallon cartons anymore? They only have the tubs with 1.75 quarts, fuck!). We also bought a metric assload of discounted Easter candy awhile back, but most of that was eaten during our Thursday night Pathfinder game. So, saved calories. Gods, now I want cookies. Beets for breakfast is no way to live.
Been on an absolute horror movie binge as of late. I blame The Conjuring. I watched it, then decided to hit up Netflix and watch V/H/S. Then I decided sleep was for the weak and watched V/H/S 2 (which wasn't as good as the first, but was still quite good). Then, the next night, I watched Silent Hill Revelations. Also good. And now I wanna watch more, but Netflix's selection of good horror movies is very limited, and I don't want to watch ones I've already seen so my extensive collection is out. I'd have to dig through my boxes in the second bedroom to find them, anyway. Bloody hell. >_<
Oh, and the Dayton Metro library system needs to die in a fire. I can't get a card again until I pay off the $74 I owed them from 5 YEARS AGO! Fucking hell! I have never been to a library system that didn't forgive fines after a year or two. Never. Even Springfield forgave fines after awhile. The thing was, when Jim kicked me out, I had some DVDs and books from the library still checked out. I figured it'd be okay if I took them to Lakeview with me, because I'd be able to take them back in a few weeks. Those few weeks turned into a few months, and then I finally turned them all back in. All of them. So that $74 from five years ago is ALL FINES. I never thought I'd say this, but the library can fuck off. I don't need their damn card that bad. Fuck them. But Ben has a card, so if I need something (we've been getting DVDs), I have his. So fuck you, Dayton Metro! Suck it!
I have a whole mess load of exercise DVDs me and Ben need to try out. I obviously have a lot of weight to lose (about 150 pounds or so), and Ben's got a bit of a beer belly showing up, so we neeeeeeeed to exercise. Also, we need to get my back tire filled on my bike, and he needs to get his back tire completely fixed. Then we can start going for bike rides. The weather is being gorgeous for us, so we should take advantage of it. It's Ohio, after all. As the quote goes, if you don't like the weather in Ohio, just wait fifteen minutes.
Oh, and I found this website that lets you take free college courses. How awesome is that? It's coursera, and I'm taking an archeology class right now. They give you video lectures to watch and quizzes to take. It's so much fun! *is SUCH a nerd*
I should be doing dishes. Shh, don't tell on me.
I am all moved. Have been since April 19th. Finances are extra tight, but we're making do. Aldi is our best friend, and I've been using my UDF card thingie (like the Speedway ones) to help with gas costs. Ben's going to look into a seasonal job at the same place our friend Rob works, loading cars at a garden center. After that, he's agreed to try and find a different job. And great news, he's going to start paying on his student loans when we move in with Jeff in two months (cuz our costs will but cut down quite a bit with a third person paying). All kinds of great news.
I was out of all my psych meds for a week or so, and the damn Rite Aid STILL hasn't filled one of them (the one that helps with the hallucinations). Unfortunately, that's the one with really bad withdrawal effects. Ugh. So I've been sleeping and not doing much the last few days. I'm trying to get myself out of that funk, and it's working bit by bit. So yays!
I've been using MyFitnessPal again for the past week or so. I've lost a few pounds already (seven, to be exact, though I bet a lot of that was water weight). It's nice to see the numbers go down on the scale again. I'm also on the poor diet, too, so that's a lot of it. The poor diet, for those who don't know, is what you go on when you're poor and can't afford snack foods and sweets. For obsessive snackers like me, it works wonders. Though I do miss cake. And cookies. And brownies. And candy. And chocolate. And chips. And popcorn. You can see where this is going. Though we have been bad. On Friday, we bought a carton of Chocolate Moose Tracks at Meijer (did you know they no longer have the half gallon cartons anymore? They only have the tubs with 1.75 quarts, fuck!). We also bought a metric assload of discounted Easter candy awhile back, but most of that was eaten during our Thursday night Pathfinder game. So, saved calories. Gods, now I want cookies. Beets for breakfast is no way to live.
Been on an absolute horror movie binge as of late. I blame The Conjuring. I watched it, then decided to hit up Netflix and watch V/H/S. Then I decided sleep was for the weak and watched V/H/S 2 (which wasn't as good as the first, but was still quite good). Then, the next night, I watched Silent Hill Revelations. Also good. And now I wanna watch more, but Netflix's selection of good horror movies is very limited, and I don't want to watch ones I've already seen so my extensive collection is out. I'd have to dig through my boxes in the second bedroom to find them, anyway. Bloody hell. >_<
Oh, and the Dayton Metro library system needs to die in a fire. I can't get a card again until I pay off the $74 I owed them from 5 YEARS AGO! Fucking hell! I have never been to a library system that didn't forgive fines after a year or two. Never. Even Springfield forgave fines after awhile. The thing was, when Jim kicked me out, I had some DVDs and books from the library still checked out. I figured it'd be okay if I took them to Lakeview with me, because I'd be able to take them back in a few weeks. Those few weeks turned into a few months, and then I finally turned them all back in. All of them. So that $74 from five years ago is ALL FINES. I never thought I'd say this, but the library can fuck off. I don't need their damn card that bad. Fuck them. But Ben has a card, so if I need something (we've been getting DVDs), I have his. So fuck you, Dayton Metro! Suck it!
I have a whole mess load of exercise DVDs me and Ben need to try out. I obviously have a lot of weight to lose (about 150 pounds or so), and Ben's got a bit of a beer belly showing up, so we neeeeeeeed to exercise. Also, we need to get my back tire filled on my bike, and he needs to get his back tire completely fixed. Then we can start going for bike rides. The weather is being gorgeous for us, so we should take advantage of it. It's Ohio, after all. As the quote goes, if you don't like the weather in Ohio, just wait fifteen minutes.
Oh, and I found this website that lets you take free college courses. How awesome is that? It's coursera, and I'm taking an archeology class right now. They give you video lectures to watch and quizzes to take. It's so much fun! *is SUCH a nerd*
I should be doing dishes. Shh, don't tell on me.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Why Can't Things Be Easy?
I had a panic attack. A horrible one. Crying, thrashing, suicideal thoughts. I think it was among the worst I've ever had, and if you've ever seen my wrist, you know how big of a statement that is. But I didn't cut this time, and I'm proud, but since the panic attack feelings are still there, I'm also kind of disappointed. Cutting helps calm down the suicide feels and the pain. But I have reasons not to cut. People I would hurt. Gods damn it...
The reason behind said panic attack is this whole apartment moving stuff. I'm afraid that we won't be able to afford a place if we don't live with Jeff. I only get $721 a month for my SSI, and Ben brings in even less for his job. Car insurance is going to cost a good hundred dollars or more. Plus groceries. Plus utilities. Plus internet. Plus rent. Plus gasoline for my car. Plus repairs for my car. Plus moving costs, which include a few hundred for the truck, and bribe money to get my friends to help. Plus any animal costs if we get a cat, which would help calm me down. Plus saving up for when we get a house? Holy fuck! There's no way we'll be able to afford that on so damn little. There's very little chance we can get Welfare, and even if we did, it wouldn't be much at all. Not enough to make a difference. See why I'm stressed? Do you SEE why I'm stressed? All this, running through my head twenty four seven, when I haven't seen my therapist in a few months cuz I keep getting sick, and I'm down two VERY important psych meds that I can't get more of until Monday, and you have an Amber that isn't sure if she should just check herself into the psych ward.
Maybe I should just go to the hospital. But that woulldn't do any good, because psych wards don't do a godsdamned thing for you except try drug cocktails until you're no longer suicidal. Art class and exercise doesn't help problems like mine!
I just don't know what to do. I keep thinking about knives and razor blades and I know I shouldn't. I won't. I know I won't. Doesn't mean I don't desperately want to.
And John's still fucking here, so I can't even talk to Mom about all this stuff. I had to drag her into my room and close the door to tell her I was extra stressed, and corner her in the laundry room this afternoon to tell her about my panic attack. I hope to the gods he leaves on Friday when he's supposed to. Everybody pray for him to get better so he can leave.
Everything's so damn messed up in my head right now. I want to just go to bed and sleep until this is all taken care of. Are we ever going to be able to afford kids? He doesn't want to leave his 15 hour a week job, doesn't want to go back to school very much (otherwise he'd work towards it). I obviously can't get a job right now, if I'm getting like this over something as little as being able to afford to live in an apartment. I just want to scream until my lungs bleed.
I want to curl up into a ball and cry. I cried quite a few times in bed last night during my panic attack, and on the phone with Ben today. It's like I never went to therapy at all, or was taking any psych drugs. This is what it was like before all that. I don't want to fuck things up with Ben like I do with everything else. I'm in love with him, and this might be the first time that it's the real love. I want to keep that. I want to grow old with him and have tons of kids and be happy. But I'm gonna fuck it up, I just know it. Gods, please help me?
I promise I won't cut.
The reason behind said panic attack is this whole apartment moving stuff. I'm afraid that we won't be able to afford a place if we don't live with Jeff. I only get $721 a month for my SSI, and Ben brings in even less for his job. Car insurance is going to cost a good hundred dollars or more. Plus groceries. Plus utilities. Plus internet. Plus rent. Plus gasoline for my car. Plus repairs for my car. Plus moving costs, which include a few hundred for the truck, and bribe money to get my friends to help. Plus any animal costs if we get a cat, which would help calm me down. Plus saving up for when we get a house? Holy fuck! There's no way we'll be able to afford that on so damn little. There's very little chance we can get Welfare, and even if we did, it wouldn't be much at all. Not enough to make a difference. See why I'm stressed? Do you SEE why I'm stressed? All this, running through my head twenty four seven, when I haven't seen my therapist in a few months cuz I keep getting sick, and I'm down two VERY important psych meds that I can't get more of until Monday, and you have an Amber that isn't sure if she should just check herself into the psych ward.
Maybe I should just go to the hospital. But that woulldn't do any good, because psych wards don't do a godsdamned thing for you except try drug cocktails until you're no longer suicidal. Art class and exercise doesn't help problems like mine!
I just don't know what to do. I keep thinking about knives and razor blades and I know I shouldn't. I won't. I know I won't. Doesn't mean I don't desperately want to.
And John's still fucking here, so I can't even talk to Mom about all this stuff. I had to drag her into my room and close the door to tell her I was extra stressed, and corner her in the laundry room this afternoon to tell her about my panic attack. I hope to the gods he leaves on Friday when he's supposed to. Everybody pray for him to get better so he can leave.
Everything's so damn messed up in my head right now. I want to just go to bed and sleep until this is all taken care of. Are we ever going to be able to afford kids? He doesn't want to leave his 15 hour a week job, doesn't want to go back to school very much (otherwise he'd work towards it). I obviously can't get a job right now, if I'm getting like this over something as little as being able to afford to live in an apartment. I just want to scream until my lungs bleed.
I want to curl up into a ball and cry. I cried quite a few times in bed last night during my panic attack, and on the phone with Ben today. It's like I never went to therapy at all, or was taking any psych drugs. This is what it was like before all that. I don't want to fuck things up with Ben like I do with everything else. I'm in love with him, and this might be the first time that it's the real love. I want to keep that. I want to grow old with him and have tons of kids and be happy. But I'm gonna fuck it up, I just know it. Gods, please help me?
I promise I won't cut.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Omgitchy!
I dunno why, but I have been so freakin' itchy lately. I think it's the winter dry skin thing. Must start using lotion. I have a bajillion bottles, so I might as well use them for something. Gyah!
This whole moving thing should be interesting. Between the two of us, in furnature, we have two beds, three bedside tables, two computer desks, a curio cabinet turned entertainment center, and a recliner. You may have noticed, if you are of the observant sort, that nowhere was there mentioned in that list a couch or a set of table and chairs. So vasically, once I move in with Ben, unless we move in with Jeff, we are going to have to scramble our asses around, trying to buy those two things quick and cheap. Always fun. We can do it, it's just gonna cost a few hundred bucks. Guess it'll be a wee bit longer til I get my engagement ring, then. Sad face.
Back to the itchy. Gyah! Itchy! Itchitchitchitch!
Need to start writing and packing. Those are the two things I'mma start focusing on once I go home tomorrow. With maybe a bit of reading added in. I pledged to read 75 books this year on GoodReads. Only have 13 so far. I needs to read. And I need to figure out how to get the new post screen to use spellcheck when I'm on my Nook, too. Damned typos.
For those curious, Ben is doing a bit better, health-wise. He's not as dead, and he's not as phlegmy. Yays!
Oh, and being broke/saving all my money sucks. On St. Patrick's day, B.D.'s has all-you-can-eat stirfry for only $10.99! Of course I don't have the money to get it. *weeps* Oh, but B.D.'s Mongolian Barbeque is so mega mega tasty. I love the fact that I can pile that bowl as high as I want, and they can't charge me extra. Nom. *drools* And now I want stirfry. Seeing Ben's plate there is kinda funny, though. He's not exactly a vagatable eater, so he's got this huge plate full of meat and noodles, and that's about it. It looks fairly funky, and not good funky. But I guess it tastes amazing to him, cuz he loves it. Waaaaaaaaaaaant stirfry!
GloryCon is coming up next month, though I'm not sure I'll be able to go. GloryCon, by the way, is the gaming convention put on by the Wright State Adventurer's Guild, that club I belong to that I spend $30 in gas so I can go to each week. Yeah, that club. Yeah, it's a damn fun con, but I don't think I can afford to be here then. Not fair!!!!!!! Though it's only a maybe, cuz I will be getting my birthday monies next month. On the 4th. The big 3-0. Not looking forward to that number.
This whole moving thing should be interesting. Between the two of us, in furnature, we have two beds, three bedside tables, two computer desks, a curio cabinet turned entertainment center, and a recliner. You may have noticed, if you are of the observant sort, that nowhere was there mentioned in that list a couch or a set of table and chairs. So vasically, once I move in with Ben, unless we move in with Jeff, we are going to have to scramble our asses around, trying to buy those two things quick and cheap. Always fun. We can do it, it's just gonna cost a few hundred bucks. Guess it'll be a wee bit longer til I get my engagement ring, then. Sad face.
Back to the itchy. Gyah! Itchy! Itchitchitchitch!
Need to start writing and packing. Those are the two things I'mma start focusing on once I go home tomorrow. With maybe a bit of reading added in. I pledged to read 75 books this year on GoodReads. Only have 13 so far. I needs to read. And I need to figure out how to get the new post screen to use spellcheck when I'm on my Nook, too. Damned typos.
For those curious, Ben is doing a bit better, health-wise. He's not as dead, and he's not as phlegmy. Yays!
Oh, and being broke/saving all my money sucks. On St. Patrick's day, B.D.'s has all-you-can-eat stirfry for only $10.99! Of course I don't have the money to get it. *weeps* Oh, but B.D.'s Mongolian Barbeque is so mega mega tasty. I love the fact that I can pile that bowl as high as I want, and they can't charge me extra. Nom. *drools* And now I want stirfry. Seeing Ben's plate there is kinda funny, though. He's not exactly a vagatable eater, so he's got this huge plate full of meat and noodles, and that's about it. It looks fairly funky, and not good funky. But I guess it tastes amazing to him, cuz he loves it. Waaaaaaaaaaaant stirfry!
GloryCon is coming up next month, though I'm not sure I'll be able to go. GloryCon, by the way, is the gaming convention put on by the Wright State Adventurer's Guild, that club I belong to that I spend $30 in gas so I can go to each week. Yeah, that club. Yeah, it's a damn fun con, but I don't think I can afford to be here then. Not fair!!!!!!! Though it's only a maybe, cuz I will be getting my birthday monies next month. On the 4th. The big 3-0. Not looking forward to that number.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Saving Money Sucks And Is Hard To Do
It looks like I'm going to be moving at the end of April no matter what. That's when Ben's roommate is moving. Though my friend Jeff, who I was going to move in with to a three bedroom townhouse a month ago, sounds like he still wants to get an apartment. This time, though, he wants to try a two bedroom. We didn't get the three bedroom because it was just too expensive. A two bedroom would be cheaper, especially with three people paying rent and utilities. That'd be nice. Me and Ben would have privacy during the week, and we'd have a friend to talk to and hang with on the weekends.
For those not on my Facebook friends list, Jeff is an over the road truck driver. The place he works at right now gets him home every weekend, but he has to stay in his truck during the week driving. So he'd be getting home Friday or early Saturday each week, and leaving Sunday or so. So basically, we'd only have a roommate some of the time. Good for privacy, if you know what I mean. *wink wink*
Having Ben and John here at the same time is weird. Though John seems to be acting nicer towards me in front of Ben, so I guess that's kinda win. Win-ish. Sort of. But yeah, the murder mystery thing yesterday was so much fun! I had zero idea who did it (I guessed on a theory that was very Fight Club-esque), but I knew that was going to happen. I have read every single one of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories, and never once even came close to solving the mystery before Sherlock told Waston how it all happened. I did get out some good jokes, though, so I'm quite pleased.
I'm trying to write in this more, so that I write more period. I need to seriously start working on those articles again. If I stick with psychology articles, maybe I can sell a few more. And I'm a bit of an expert on psychology, from the patient's point of view at least. Seems to be a decent enough market, because a lot of people in that chair aren't knowledgable enough, or very good at writing articles. Yay being among the minority! Means monies for me, hopefully. I want to write one of insomnia, and one on Borderline.
Ben goes home tomorrow, but at least I go with him. Unfortunately, on Saturday, I go back home but he stays at his place. The end of April can't come soon enough. And for anybody in the Dayton, Ohio area, we either need a one or two bedroom on the bus line, with a washer/dryer hook-up and that allows pets. Suggestions are more than welcome. Oh, and it's gotta be in a safe neighborhood. The place I lived with Jim in, my car got broken into. Then there was that time that a car caught on fire in the parking lot. Oh, and the murder that happened one night. Safe neighborhood, please?
For those not on my Facebook friends list, Jeff is an over the road truck driver. The place he works at right now gets him home every weekend, but he has to stay in his truck during the week driving. So he'd be getting home Friday or early Saturday each week, and leaving Sunday or so. So basically, we'd only have a roommate some of the time. Good for privacy, if you know what I mean. *wink wink*
Having Ben and John here at the same time is weird. Though John seems to be acting nicer towards me in front of Ben, so I guess that's kinda win. Win-ish. Sort of. But yeah, the murder mystery thing yesterday was so much fun! I had zero idea who did it (I guessed on a theory that was very Fight Club-esque), but I knew that was going to happen. I have read every single one of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories, and never once even came close to solving the mystery before Sherlock told Waston how it all happened. I did get out some good jokes, though, so I'm quite pleased.
I'm trying to write in this more, so that I write more period. I need to seriously start working on those articles again. If I stick with psychology articles, maybe I can sell a few more. And I'm a bit of an expert on psychology, from the patient's point of view at least. Seems to be a decent enough market, because a lot of people in that chair aren't knowledgable enough, or very good at writing articles. Yay being among the minority! Means monies for me, hopefully. I want to write one of insomnia, and one on Borderline.
Ben goes home tomorrow, but at least I go with him. Unfortunately, on Saturday, I go back home but he stays at his place. The end of April can't come soon enough. And for anybody in the Dayton, Ohio area, we either need a one or two bedroom on the bus line, with a washer/dryer hook-up and that allows pets. Suggestions are more than welcome. Oh, and it's gotta be in a safe neighborhood. The place I lived with Jim in, my car got broken into. Then there was that time that a car caught on fire in the parking lot. Oh, and the murder that happened one night. Safe neighborhood, please?
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