I take everything way too personally. Especially when I'm already depressed. My skin becomes so thin it's almost invisible when I don't feel good. And right now it's to the point where I stressed myself out to the point of physically unhealthy just because some random douche bag in the global chat on this game I play called Clash of Clans was yelling at me for not wanting douche bag players in my clan. Yeah, I need to see my therapist extra hard now.
Everything just seems to be be getting to me more than usual. I'm terrified that I won't be able to afford to move in with Ben in July. And that's not even bringing the cost of kids into it after we're married. I just want a nice life, where I can afford luxuries like food and toilet paper and toothpaste, you know? I dunno. I can't get a job because of my metric fuckload of mental illnesses (cuz we all know that panic attacks and hospitalizations are fun). Because of that Obamacare bullshit, no job will give Ben more than twenty five or so hours in a week. He doesn't want to go back to school yet, but I think that might be the only way we can afford more than -2 children. Money problems suck, basically.
Sometimes I just want to cry and scream and have a temper tantrum until everything gets fixed for me. If only life were that easy. I just have to keep soldiering on and whatnot. Maybe I need to start looking into stress reduction techniques online. Try out some meditation or yoga or something. I dunno. I do know, though, that I do NOT want to feel like this any more. So defeated, so scared, so hopeless. I know things are going to turn out okay, but until then I get to live through hell on earth. Save me, somebody?
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