Yeah, It Is Supposed To Have A Title, Isn't It?

You ever get that thing in your head, where you want a write a blog post, but you have no idea what you want to write about? Cuz that's me right now. *shrugs*

We decided fuck it, we're just gonna drive to Pennsylvania. It'll save us about $50 or so (I think, unless the gas is fuck expensive there). Plus, we won't have to keep asking Whitters to give us rides to places, and we can leave here, and leave to come home, when we damn well feel like it, instead of by the bus's schedule. And I won't have to leave my car in the Greyhound parking lot for 5 days, too. In Columbus, no less. So, yays! Also, no weight limit or bag number restrictions, so we can take our own pillows and blankets (and possibly a fan), as well as any of our board games that we want (Ben's happy that we get to take Legendary and Sentinels Of The Multiverse). Makes life a bit easier. And the money we save is going towards a new serpentine belt before we leave, which we needed anyway, so more yays there!

The kittens are doing really good, and Pocky and Wasabi are being much less bitchy. Wasabi's been licking them clean, even. That makes me glad. I was afraid they'd hate the poor babies forever. Pocky's still a bit bitchier than Wasabi, though, but here's hoping. They each have a favorite kitten that they treat better than the other one, though. Wasabi really likes Unagi, and Mochi is Pocky's favorite. They each picked the one with the similar personality. ^_^ I <3 my furbabies so much.

I entered a poetry contest at the library a few weeks ago, and recently got an email saying they received it, and were doing the reading and judging and such right now. If I'm one of the finalists, they'll call me. The thing is, I couldn't use Underneath The Surface, which was my only non-sucktacular poem, so I highly doubt I'll be getting that phone call. *sighs* I used to be able to write buttloads of poetry when I was severely depressed, but now that I'm not cutting myself on a regular basis, not a freaking word of poetry. Gyah! I had to use one of the ones I wrote when I was in 7th grade. Hey, muses, get the fuck back here already! Amber wants to get back to writing! Fucking bitches, the whole lot of them... *grumbles about her deadbeat muses*

So, last but not least, I submitted two drabbles to the FWG Halloween anthology this year (since my muses allowed that much). I think they're both okay-ish. Here they are. (for those that don't know, a drabble is an entire story, told in exactly 100 words)

Hospitable by V. Amber

“That's the fifth family this year, Bob,” Veronica muttered as she watched the people putting stuff into a moving truck as quickly as they could.

“Yep,” Bob replied as he leaned back in the dusty chair.

“I try to be hospitable, I do,” she went on, waving her hands about. “Moaning at night to entertain them. Blood running down the walls for decoration. But this always happens.”

“The living are strange that way, dear. Always have been, always will be,” Bob said, same as every other time.

“Hopefully the next family stays longer,” Veronica grumbled.

Bloody Mary by V. Amber

“Bloody Mary,” Danielle chanted over and over, staring into the bathroom mirror. The candle flickered, but nothing else happened.

“You said since it was Halloween, it'd work,” her sister Lisa complained, punching her lightly.

“It was supposed to, I swear,” Danielle whined, staring harder, in case that's what was missing.

“Didn't work, loser,” Lisa said, spraying tap water at her, splashing some onto the mirror.

As the water dripped down, Danielle sighed and turned on the lights. “It should've...”

The water dripping onto Danielle's face that woke her up later that night proved that it had.

Wedding Blues

So, one of my very closest friends is getting married in less than two weeks, and I desperately want to be there (and I'm allowed to be, because I'm invited, and so is Ben). The only sucky part is the fact that she lives in Pittsburgh, PA, while I live in Dayton, OH. It's less than a 4 hour drive, but no way in hell would my car make it that far (and if it did, I doubt it'd make the return trip). Wouldn't want to drive it anyway, because I hatehatehate driving somewhere that I don't know where I'm going, and I extra hate huge highways that I don't know where I'm supposed to turn off at. So, that means bus ride (because fuck are plane tickets expensive). There's some really good ones scheduled by Greyhound, but the closer it gets to the departure date, the more expensive they become. We won't have the money to buy the tickets until Thursday, and they're already at $100+, and the price keeps on rising. At this rate, I'm not 100% sure if we're going to be able to afford to go. *cries softly* I've only ever been invited to one friend's wedding, but I couldn't make it because I was sick as a freaking dog, for the few days before and after, as well. That sucked so damn hard, because these were friends I'd had since college, and I think I may have even been the one who introduced them. And this current wedding is for one of my longest-held friends (we met online in... 2001, I think?), who I actually stayed in contact with for all those years. She's always been on my blogrolls, always been on my friends lists, whether it be MySpace, LiveJournal, Facebook, or any other site we were both on. I'm willing to do almost anything to get to that wedding. I haven't seen her in 13 years!

So yeah, since I don't trust eBay (and don't have the dough to drop on all the shipping crap right now anyway), and it's too late in the year and my neighborhood isn't the right kind for a yard sale, and consignment shops wouldn't buy the kind of clothes I want to sell, that means I get to sell stuff at Half Price again. And usually, that thought fills me with dread. But for once, I don't feel so bad. Not only is the money going towards something I desperately want, but I think I can finally accept the fact that I don't actually need all the crap that I own, I just want it. My growing-up-really-poor is showing.

Though for some later time, I might wanna try out eBay. Just because I was screwed over the one time I sold something on there (I sold a digital iTunes gift card to someone, and after they paid me and I sent the code to them, they lied through their fucking teeth claimed that their account was hacked, so eBay sent me an email about how I'd get my item back (which was literally impossible) and the person would get their money back, yet I still ended up getting the money deposited in my PayPal account, so I have no fucking clue at this point), that doesn't mean I'll get screwed over again. Plus, this'll be physical merchandise, so they can't really wait until they get it, claim their account was hacked, and still get to keep it. I have a friend who sells a ton of stuff on eBay. I'll hafta ask her how to go about it the right way. Cuz it's clothing that I can't fit and don't want enough to keep it around until it fits (most if it, I'd have to lose at least 50 pounds to get into it, and some I'd need to lose even more). *shrugs* Dunno. Worth a try, I guess? Just won't work for this particular thing. *sighs*

Random Complaints

Not sure why, but right now, I feel like complaining. Not about anything major, but just a few random annoying things.

My head hurts. I really need to go to bed, and I kinda want to go to bed, but I'm not going to bed. One of these days, I need to figure out why the hell I do this. It's kicking my ass. Especially cuz we have a few things we gotta do today. Ugh.

Acid reflux like fuuuuuuuck. Owwie. I guess that's what I get for only having eaten a Burger King breakfast, and a Chinese food buffet dinner today (or yesterday, since it's past midnight or whatever). Really need to start eating healthy.

I'm hungry, but we don't have any snack-like items in the house (unless you count dry cereal, since we're outta milk), but I also don't want to take the 20+ minutes it'd take to actually make real food. I really hate when that happens. Good thing we're going to Aldi later. Hello, granola bars. Om nom nom.

Pocky is still being a bitch to the kittens. Wasabi is getting way better, only hissing after prolonged exposure, but Pocky is still being a brat. At least it's just hissing, though, and no swatting or other physical altercations.

Blarg, soooooooo tired. Want a box spring we can actually use upstairs! I'm am sick to fucking death of waking up every day feeling like somebody took a damn sledgehammer to my lower back. We have the damn money to buy a box spring, but we have no way of transporting it here, because a Chevy Cavalier isn't exactly big enough to carry it. Gyah! I need to make friends with somebody who owns or has reliable access to a truck. Is there a box I can click on a dating site that says I'm not single, not looking for a date, but I am looking to make friends, especially if they own a truck?

Oh well, at least in good news, Netflix finally got the Doctor Who 2014 Christmas special. They got series 8, like, four months or so ago. I'm thinking of watching it tomorrow with Ben. That way, we'll be a little less behind. It'll also mean that, once we find a site that has the episodes, we can start on series 9. w00t!

And now, I leave you with random stupid shit I found while internetting.

I wonder if anybody even reads this any more...

Holy Crap, She's Back!

Usual crap, blah blah blah, need to post more, brain no worky, etc etc etc...

But yeah, I think it's high time my ass started using this thing again (as I said, usual crap). Though this time, it's hopefully gonna be for reals. Cuz I think writing blog posts used to make me feel happy. Let's see if I can get that back. Also, if it helps by being even the slightest bit cathartic, I'm game. Cuz dear gods, my everything is fucking up and going crazy lately.

I'm angry so damn often. Especially when driving. Fuck damn near everybody on the road. If a person is going ten miles over the damn speed limit, everybody else should not still be zooming past her. Fuuuu....... And I'm even getting pissed about how all those ex-friends used to treat me. I mean gods, I'm too afraid to go back to Guild at this point because Rich might go out of his way to harass me again (and I do NOT need another nervous breakdown like his last harassment fun time caused me), or that Brad'll yell at me for rightfully blocking him on Facebook. Hell, I'm even worried that Logan'll yell at me for my not letting Rich abuse me any more, since he apparently unfriended me on Facebook shortly after the Rich incident...

Oh well, whatever. I'm sure I can find some other way to socialize. I do have a few friends I could hang out with (I think I still do...). I just have to work up the courage to ask them if they want to hang, because at this point, I'm wondering if I never get invites to hang from other people because they're waiting for me to make the first move. >_< But, I will have to start making an effort soon. Not just yet, though, because I don't want to leave the kittens alone for too long right now.

Speaking of, we got two new kittens on Monday. A little medium-haired brown tabby girl that we named Mochi, and a short-haired tuxedo-ish girl we named Unagi. We decided to keep with the Japanese food name theme, because we're weird like that. Pocky and Wasabi still don't know what to think, and they're both still doing the hissing thing, but it's already getting a tiny bit better. Yays!

Not exactly the best of quality photos, but it was kinda dark in the living room, and this is literally the only picture so far that has both of them in it, and they're actually not moving AND looking almost at the camera. So damn cute, aren't they? Mochi is kind of timid still, so I think she's never gonna be an in-your-face cat like Pocky, but I was hoping for a chill kitty, so I'm happy. Unagi is very adventurous and brave, and has to explore everything ever. Once they all get used to each other, I can see her being besties with Pocky. Or absolutely hating her guts. One of those two extremes.

I've been getting addicted to new websites very recently. First, I found Habitica, which is basically a productivity app/website, where to motivate you into doing the stuff you need to be doing, you're given an avatar, and it's treated like an RPG. By checking off the things you've done (like a load of laundry, or you ate a healthy dinner, or finished an essay for class, or whatever), you get experience points which goes towards leveling up and being more badass, and gold which goes towards buying better equipment to be more of a badass. I'm level 4 so far, and it's really been helping me actually want to do chores and such.

Also, I started playing my newest full on fucking addiction, Hogwarts Extreme. It's kinda like how Pottermore used to be, where you get sorted, and can chat and roleplay with other people on the site. No potions or dueling, but Pottermore doesn't have that any more either (all it is now is a blog with all the extra stories she's been writing), so it's all good. I spotted it while going through my Facebook feed, because it was a sponsored post. Normally I would've just kept scrolling, but they said I could take the Hogwarts classes! Holy crap, holy crap, I get to take stuff like Potions and Transfigurations and oh my gods! That's the biggest reason I always wanted to go to Hogwarts (that and the library). It's kinda like reading comprehension for mini-fanfics, but I don't care, it's Hogwarts classes! I'm a Hufflepuff, of course, and I'm so beyond ecstatic about it all. So yeah, kinda completely obsessed.

Also, I've been reading up a storm. I'm at 79 normal books (meaning not manga) for 2015 so far, and I'm hoping to hit 100 by the end of the year. Most likely going to, too. Tried reading The Giver, but dear gods I was bored stiff the entire book. Also, they explained literally nothing. I could see that if it was one of those damn first-book-in-the-series-free-ebooks that claim to be the first "book", when really it's only the first few chapters of a proper book, so they don't explain anything on purpose to get you to drop $3.99 for the next book or whatever, but this thing was written in '93. This thing was supposed to be an entire book. Yeah, I think not. Kinda glad I didn't get stuck reading it in school, because there would've been an argument between me and the teacher over why I refused to finish it. Ugh...

And last but not least, Halloween is only a month away. *SQUEE!* I'm so excited, because I'm already invited to two different parties, and I'm not counting the Guild "party" either. Not sure what my costume'll be, since we're kinda not currently rolling in the dough. I have a few different things I can pull together from just my closet, and a few more with the addition of a few bucks-worth of extras. Depending on how his next check looks, size-wise, I might even head over to one of the countless Halloween pop-up stores to see what all they have, or just swing by Foy's. I'm definitely going to have to hit up downtown Fairborn to see all the decorations, though, because damn does Foy's go all freaking out. And depending on when Trick-Or-Treat is, we might pass out candy, too. I <3 passing out candy. It almost makes up for not being able to collect it any more.

Oh, almost forgot. We signed the lease for the house we're in right now back on July 31st, and moved in on August 6th. It's a half a duplex near-ish downtown (for people that know Dayton, it's on Kilmer, one street over from James H. McGee and less than a mile from 3rd Street). It's a three bedroom one bathroom with a basement and washer dryer hook-ups. It's about three times as big as the apartment was (if you count the basement), and it costs $150 less per month. And it's not an apartment. Because fuck apartment complexes any more. Especially fuck Woodman Park Apartments. Fuck them in the face with a chainsaw on high. Blarg.

Is it bad that we're still not completely unpacked? And that I have yet to hang anything up on the walls? The biggest suck part, though, is the fact that the stairway to get upstairs (where all three bedrooms are) is too narrow for us to get the box springs up. So, since we moved, we've been sleeping on the mattress on the floor. Holy fucking hell painful! But, the fact that there's no central air, and the occasional bug tends to get in through the basement (we had to kill three stink bugs in the last few days alone), are literally the only complaints we have about this place, it rocks that much. The box springs we can fix by buying a used one with a wood frame and cutting it in half downstairs and putting it back together upstairs. The air problem can be fixed with window units, which we plan on buying in March or April. The bugs we can almost completely get rid of by spraying stuff in the basement. You get them everywhere, no matter how nice the place is, so whatever. And dammit, we have a working washer and dryer that his parents gave us (that only took $120 in parts to repair), so FUCK YEAH! We are officially on our way to successfully adulting. Go us.

Dafuq, Brain?

Okay, when I finally got around to going to bed, my brain decided that me getting any sleep whatsoever was so not going to happen. About a half hour after I fell asleep, I woke up convinced that there were cockroaches in my comforter that were starting to come out. Just a reminder that I have exactly one phobia, that gives me full-on panic attacks when activated, and that phobia is cockroaches. Well, after waking up thinking my phobia was coming out of the blanket currently covering me, I had a hard time falling back to sleep. And it happened at least two or three more times in the few hours I was in bed. So yay there... not. I think what happened was that I was dreaming in a doze, and couldn't tell the difference between dream and reality. I used to have that happen to me all the time when I was a kid. But no matter what, fuck that noise. That was the worst not-exactly-night-of-sleep I have had in a damn long time.

So I ended up rescheduling my optometrist's appointment for Monday. Cuz I really didn't think I could focus on the letters to tell the difference between one or two, one or two, one or two, two or three.

I'm thinking sleeping pill tonight. Cuz I would love to get some sleep for once. Gyah.........

Sleep? What's That?

It's past 6am, I have an optometrist's appointment in a little over nine hours, and I haven't been to bed yet. I'm sure, if I could've peeled myself away from the computer back around 2am or so, I could've easily fallen asleep so where I could actually keep my eyes open during the entire appointment. But noooooooo, my stupid procrastination instinct kicked in, and I just had to do... whatever it was that I've been doing these past few hours. I'm so tired, I can't even remember what all I did. But am I going to bed like a normal person? Noooooo, I'm writing a blog post. Gyah!

But yeah, my stomach is killing me, my head is killing me, and I'm a little afraid that if I go into that bedroom, that I won't be able to fall asleep in the first place. Because that's how it's been for me lately. Stupid brain, being too anxious or whatever to get some damn rest already.

Well, maybe I'll just write for a bit. Maybe then I'll get sleepy enough to actually get sleep.

I went to a park with my friend Felix last weekend, and we took a fuck ton of awesome pictures. His were obviously way better than mine, because his camera is a professional grade number, while mine is a cheap digital camera from Walmart that's almost 7 years old, but a lot of mine turned out pretty nice, too. I'm contemplating getting this one printed out, putting it in a frame, and hanging it on the wall.

Not exactly sure why I think it's the prettiest of the bunch, but it was my favorite. I'm thinking a thick, dark wood frame. Something to make all the green stand out more. I haven't put one of my own photos in a frame in years. It'll be nice to have a pretty picture on the wall, and know that I made that pretty picture, you know? I can't draw worth a damn, I still haven't used my watercolor kit from Christmas '13, but dammit, I can take nice photos. That makes me feel a little better about having not finished any of my stories that I've been working on for forever...

I skipped my therapy appointment on Wednesday because of these weird stabbing pains in my stomach (and also because I hadn't slept yet even though it was almost 9am when I called to reschedule). I still haven't made the new appointment, but I'm going to try and call her back today to get a new one. As for my stomach, it hurt like hell for a few hours, then lightened up. I thought it was maybe appendicitis, but when I looked up the symptoms, it said you'd have a high fever, and I didn't have one at all, so I'm guessing it wasn't my appendix bursting. Felt like it for a bit, though. *shrugs*

I think I will attempt that sleep thing now. Though tomorrow, I need to write about the Deadpool-off me and my friend Aaron had earlier. I made a comment about Deadpool in an IM on Facebook, and he responded with a Deadpool pic, so I of course had to respond back likewise. I have a mess load of pics saved on my computer of Deadpool and his wacky antics, and I just looooooove showing them off. It went on for quite a few pictures. Bwahahahaha! But yes, about that sleep...

I Guess I Do Still Have A Blog, Huh?

March 11th... That was the date of my last post here. Exactly three months ago. Probably oughta start updating this thing again. I'm bad like that, though. Forget about some hobbies while I obsess over others, then shout "Change seats!" like the Mad Hatter, and switch around my obsession/forgotten roster. Not sure why I do that, but it's been like that for me since I was a little kid. Let's see if I can shove blogging into its own more permanent seat and make it stick this time.

I think one of the reasons I avoid this thing is because, when I go a reeeeeally long time between posts, a fuck ton of stuff happens, and I feel obligated to talk about everything ever, so the longer I go without updating, the more crap I hafta write about (according to my stupid brain, at least). So I'm gonna try just putting in smaller updates, spread out a bit (but not three months spread out). Let's see if that works, okay?

Well, the big thing on my mind right now is moving. The lease we have on this apartment ends on the 30th of this month, and there is no way in hell I'm staying here another year (seeing as how it is hell, I'm not sure if that phrasing works or not, but oh well). I think we may have found a place near downtown that we can get and afford, but we can't be 100% until we put in the deposit on the 18th. One week. I can handle one week, right? *screams and tears out hair* Okay, maybe not, but I don't have much of a choice.

It's a duplex in this little almost-dead-end street (we'd be about a half a block away from the actual dead end, with a cross street separating us), and the neighborhood seems kind of quiet. It's near a few big buildings that might be factories, or maybe just warehouses, since there's no smoke belching out or anything. It's a two bedroom, one bathroom number, that's a bit small but it's the best we can afford, so it'll do. And it has washer/dryer hookups, and that was the main thing we were looking for, so woohoo! I just hope we get it. It looks fairly likely, but as I said, we won't be 100% until we pay the deposit. Keep your fingers crossed?

Been reading like mad crazy lately. Joined a challenge group on GoodReads, and it's got me reading regular books a lot more than I was there for a bit (I went through quite a few weeks where the only books I finished were manga). I've also narrowed down the books I have checked out from the library, so I've been able to read some of my own lately. Finally got around to reading One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest and Beastly, for example. Both really freaking great books, but damn was Cuckoo's Nest exhausting to read. Still adored it, though.

I've kinda been lacking energy lately, so the apartment is rather messy. I'm trying so hard to get up and do things, but sometimes I'm so tired that even holding my book up while reading wears me out. I think it's depression mixed with sleep deprivation. No matter how long I stay in bed, I wake up feeling like I got no rest whatsoever. Ugh! I see my new doctor again on Tuesday. She told me last time I was there that I needed to get some blood tests and some x-rays done, but she never gave me any paperwork or instructions, so I guess she'll actually have to schedule them this time. Here's hoping. I would really love to know for certain if this is actually fibromyalgia or not. Mind you, I have pretty much all the symptoms, plus my mom has it so yay genetics, but for all I know I could just have half a dozen other things that just mimic fibromyalgia, so lots and lots and lots of tests in my near future. Yay........ >_<

I was doing an intro to philosophy class over on Coursera, but I stopped doing it for awhile. I think I need to fix that asap. It was so freaking interesting. And I have a huuuuuge list of classes I wanna take after this one, too (I only do the on-demand classes so that I can take my time without getting behind). So many things on my to-do list lately, and I'm doing almost none of them. Yep, definitely need to get me some energy.

That seems like enough for now, right? I'm going to try extra hard to start updating this thing on a regular basis again. I think I kinda miss blogging, now that I think of it.

I Am A Lazy Fucking Blogger

Seriously, it's been over two months since I updated, and a few more months than that since I made any posts that weren't surveys. Special, ain't I?

But yeah, lotsa shit going down in Amber town. Been dropping former friends left and right, since they were never actually friends to begin with, just manipulative abusive pricks that used me when they could and ignored me when they couldn't. So, yeah, down... *counts* at least five people so far. I used to surround myself with horrible people. Why did I do that? I'm going with ungodly low self-esteem mixed with a people-pleaser personality. But now that I've gotten rid of the majority of the trash, I'm left with almost nothing but actual friends, ones that give a shit and aren't just trying to use me. Yays! That'll be a first. I fully blame Ben. He helped me grow a spine, or at least helped me realize I needed one in the first place. Lovely new experience, I must admit. Pissing off a lot of people, since I no longer let them abuse me, but eh, they're the horrible monsters, no matter how badly they talk about me behind my back (which they do, a lot, sometimes in front of my friends, whom they were also abusing and thus had zero loyalty). Not exactly the brightest ones, you see?

But yeah, speaking of ditching worthless people that need to die a slow and painful death, I finally made an appointment with a (hopefully) competent doctor's office. I go in at 8:45am this Friday, but it'll be totally worth the early hour if it means I get an office full of professional people that not only know how to do their job, but actually do it. Sure as fuck didn't have any of those things at Horizons (oh the horror stories I could tell you, but that'd be an entire post on its own since they were just that god awful, so I'll save it for later). I'm hoping this time the doctor will do any of the required tests or the non-optional patient history that's about 70% of the process before telling me I didn't have fibromyalgia, since the Horizons doctor only sent me in once for x-rays, then never talked about them ever again (which might actually be illegal, but I'm not sure, do they have to tell you the results from tests they prescribed?), but still declared I didn't have it. I can't wait! Competency! At last! Thank the gods!

I've been 110% failing at the diet and exercise thing for the past few months. It's usually because I'm either so tired even though I didn't do anything, or so in pain that even lying on the couch reading a book hurts. I feel like I'm failing my housemates on the Hogwarts Fitness Challenge I'm part of on MyFitnessPal. I actually missed one of the exercise challenges yesterday, and I'm afraid to log on now because I know they're going to be really nice and understanding about it, and that'll only make me feel guiltier. I'm not sure I deserve my spot there. I only exercise when it's part of a challenge, and even then I've skipped two times so far. I'm losing us possible points because I keep stuffing my fat face with food and weighing in with a gain. I just... I don't think I'm good enough for anybody to depend on me. I failed that Diet Bet miserably (I just could not lose those last two pounds, no matter what I did the final two weeks). I think I should just accept that I'm going to be fat and out of shape and miserable for the rest of my life. I keep buying stuff like ice cream and candy bars and fast food, even though I know it'll make me gain weight. I can't motivate myself to do any exercise. I haven't even hooked my Wii up yet, and I've been living here for almost a year now. I'm hopeless.

I just can't make myself do anything lately, diet, exercise, or otherwise. I started a short story for an anthology about a month or so ago. I was so excited, because I was finally going to have something published that was more than 100 words (that's what a drabble is, in those two books I got into). But I got about 2,000 or so words into it, and then never got around to finishing it. I'm sure the submission process is already closed by now, so I'll have to publish it myself if I ever finish it. Not that that'll ever freaking happen, since I DO NOT finish any stories that I start. Two times in my entire life have I ever finished a story. Twice. Out of probably at least a few hundred different attempts. I never finish anything that I start. Ever. I just fail that badly. I don't even finish watching freaking anime series on my computer. Even something that simple. Ugh.

Well, in good news, I finally got my engagement ring! I only took a little over a year, but yay I have it! It's moldavite with amethyst accent gems, and it's so freaking awesome.

  

But yeah, moldavite came from one specific meteorite that hit the earth 14.8 million years ago. I am currently wearing an outer space rock. How freaking awesome is that? *squee!*

Still no pregnancy yet, though. We started trying again, now that I'm not in as much pain as I was there for awhile, and now that the drug is out of my system that my idiot ex-doctor prescribed me that completely halted ovulation as a very common side effect even though we had told her repeatedly that we were trying to conceive (I wish that was the worst thing she'd done). I'm really hoping, though. I want a bunch of kids (about four or five), but I'm going to be 31 in less than a month and I don't want to be having kids at too late of an age. I really wanna meet that little person, but I haven't made it yet, so I can't. Soon, though. Soooooooooooon.

The house hunting gets to begin next month. We're going to try and find something vaguely near where we are now that's in our price range. It'll be damn hard, cuz we po', but I'm sure we can find something. *crosses fingers* I fucking hate living in an apartment complex so freaking hard. People are total dicks. They open your dryer when it's only been on for a few minutes to check (because hearing the dryer running isn't enough?), then don't bother pushing the button to restart it, so you have to spend another $1.25 to send it through a second load. And that's when the washers and dryers are actually working. Then there's the field of dog shit that we have to walk through to get to our car. You're supposed to clean up after your horse-sized dog, but again, people are fucking dicks. Then there's the fact that people like parking so where they're blocking half the fucking road, just because it's right in front of their apartment. And they do this when there are spots available only a few fucking feet away! Parking in parking spots where you're not inconveniencing everybody is just so passe. Other people don't deserve respect, because you don't want to have to walk for less than a fucking minute. And last but not least, it still creeps me out when I'm trying to sleep and people are talking literally right outside my bedroom window. Don't really appreciate all the cigarette butts on my front porch, either. And the upstairs neighbors accidentally shot a bullet through our ceiling a few months ago. Yeah, apartment complexes can all go fuck themselves. As soon as our lease is up at the end of June, we are out of here. Never. Again.

Starting to make wedding plans. We're thinking maybe June, if we can find a nice park and save up some money (we won't need much). Kinda wish I could have a big wedding, but I'd probably get stuck doing all those boring as hell cliches, so maybe it's better this way? I wanted to get married outside anyway, so a park is perfect. I like the idea of walking down the aisle barefoot. ^_^ And if we do a potluck (and force people to bring stuff that isn't chips and dip or a bucket of Walmart coleslaw, but actual food), we can save a few hundred bucks, at the very least. The food would probably taste better, too. I've yet to have food from a caterer that tasted any better than "eh, it's okay, I guess." My step-dad promised to buy us the cake, but seeing as how we haven't even received our Christmas present money and it's already almost halfway through March, I'm guessing that ain't ever happening (because John, no other explanation necessary). I have a friend who makes cakes with her mom, and she offered her services. Seeing as how she'll be a bridesmaid, I'm hoping for a teeny bit of a discount.

It would seem that, due to only having gotten about three hours of sleep last night, that my brain has officially shut down for service until further notice. Maybe this time I'll actually update more than two or three times a year, so I'll be able to remember the stuffs when I'm writing. Wish me luck.

Also, why the fuck did I get 57 hits to my website yesterday? I received no comments, no spam comments, and I hadn't posted anything since January. Dafuq?

2014: The Year In Review (Survey Thingie)

2014: The Year in Review 

(ganked from Nonna) 

1: What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?Started trying to get pregnant. Adopted my own kitties (they were always family pets until now). Turned 30.

2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I refuse to make those things, because they are inevitably doomed to fail. But, in a non-resolution sort of way, I'd like to start exercising again (I was doing great there for awhile, then... stopped), and I want to start working on my writing again. I also need to start cleaning a lot more.
3: Did anyone close to you give birth?
My friend Britanni did, a cute little girl. I also had a few internet friends give birth, too.
4: Did anyone close to you die?
My step-dad's mom died. We weren't very close, though.
5: What countries did you visit?
Not a god damned one of them. Someday, I'll visit somewhere awesome, but that costs money, so until then, it's Travel Channel for me (as soon as we get cable, at least).
6: What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
Confidence. A baby. The knowledge of who's actually my friend, and who's just using me.
7: What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 2nd, because that was when Ben proposed. April 19th, because that was when I moved in with Ben. October 1st, because that was when the DietBet started, and I actually started working out and dieting for serious.
8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting down to 256 pounds (even if that didn't last for long).
9: What was your biggest failure?
Not being able to deal with all the stress from the last few months, and screaming in the car on a fairly regular basis. That, and the full mental breakdown I had a few months back (it was literally my worst one ever, including the time I tried to commit suicide when I was 15).
10: Did you suffer illness or injury?
My back problems started. Still dunno what's wrong, because my doctor doesn't actually do any doctoring (I'm fairly certain that her doctorate is probably in something like philosophy or art history, and not actually medicine).
11: What was the best thing you bought?
Gotta go with my new Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 Nook (even though technically Ben bought it because he broke the screen on my Nook HD by dropping it out of his lap on the blacktop in the Dollar General parking lot when he got out of the car).
12: Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ben, for putting up with all my bullshit. Grant, for always helping us out so much. Felix, for being a wonderful wifey. He even gave me a pretty camera. ^_^
13: Whose behavior made you appalled?
Karyn, Jennifer, Doug, Kieran, Rob, Zach, the fuckfaces that run my doctor's office, a large quantity of the politicians out there, Westboro Baptist Chruch (but then again, they were the only ones not appalled by their behavior).
14: Where did most of your money go?
Before moving in April, it went towards gas to get to and from Dayton every week, and towards stupid shit like clothes and DVDs and fast food and such. After moving, it went towards rent, bills, car maintenance, food, toilet paper, laundry, cat food and litter, and all the other "I don't live with my parents anymore" stuff.
15: What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being engaged. Moving. Getting kitties.
16: What song will always remind you of 2014?
Sorted This Way by Not Literally.
17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
a) a bit happier
b) about a dozen or so pounds thinner
c) definitely poorer, because I don't have much disposable income now, when this time last year almost all my money was disposable
18: What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise. Hung out with my real friends. Write.
19: What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spent time with "friends" that were only using me. Ate junk food. Doubted myself. Procrastinate.
20: How did you spend Christmas?
On the 23rd, we went to my parents' house and ate dinner and exchanged gifts with my parents and my brother. On actual Christmas, we slept in and watched Freakazoid until Ben got a call reminding him he was supposed to work that day (he'd forgotten).
21: Did you fall in love in 2014?
Definitely. I fell hard and fast for both Pocky and Wasabi, as soon as we got them home (though I started falling as soon as we picked them out). I fell deeper with Ben damn near every day.
22: What was your favorite TV program?
So hard to choose. I'm thinking Archer. The runners up were, in no particular order: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Bob's Burgers, Supernatural, Sherlock, Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, Cutthroat Kitchen, Dancing With The Stars, The Curse Of Oak Island, Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., Superjail, and Abandoned America.
23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Yeah, lots. And they pretty much all deserved it by consistently treating me like shit.
24: What was the best book you read?
John Dies At The End by David Wong, definitely.
25: What was your greatest musical discovery?
Not what the question was trying for, but when I discovered how to save songs from YouTube. For bands/singers, it was Kongos, Rogue Traders, Emilie Autumn, Kana Nishino, Kyary Pamyu Pamyu, Ke$ha, Deadmau5, and OneRepublic.
26: What did you want and get?
A new Nook. To move out of my parents house and to Dayton. Kitties. Another tattoo.
27: What did you want and not get?
A positive pregnancy test result. A competent doctor. To keep the people I thought were friends. To lose more weight than I did. To win the DietBet. Another piercing.
28: What was your favorite film of this year?
Guardians Of The Galaxy.
29: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Ben and the kitties.
30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?
Is it clean? Eh, close enough.
31: What kept you sane?
Ben and the kitties. Books. Friends (the real ones, not the shitty ones that caused the stress in the first place).
32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Benedict Cumberbatch. Yuuuuuuuum!
33: What political issue stirred you the most?
Gay marriage, and how people are too fucking stupid to realize that just because your religion can be kinda, slightly, maybe if you look at it in just the right way, and your heart is full enough of hatred and bigotry, against gay rights, that doesn't mean that the United States government, which is NOT CHRISTIAN-EXCLUSIVE, should take away their basic human rights just to please you.
34: Who did you miss?
My mom. I know that she's only an hour and a half drive away, and that I can call her any time I want (and that sometimes, she actually picks up), but I still miss seeing her every day, and just walking out to the front room every time I want to talk to her about something. I also miss Bindi, because now whenever I go to Lakeview, she treats me like a stranger. And I miss Robin Williams and Joan Rivers. They were both so damn funny. And I miss Zach, the Zach that was my friend, not the one that treats people like shit all the time and doesn't feel bad about it, or even notices how miserable he makes everybody.
35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014.
Most people are ass holes. They care more about the dirt in their carpet than they do about you. Especially if they're in a car, because they're entitled to everything ever, no matter how many laws they're breaking to get it. A lot of those people will pretend to be your friend because that makes it easier to use you. They will treat you like shit, because they're not you, and only they matter. All these people are horrible, but it's not your fault. If they almost crash into your car because they ran a stop sign, it's not your fault. If they don't know how the fuck to do their job or just completely refuse to do it in the first place, it's not your fault. If they are a waste of human space that should just fucking die already, it's not your fault. It's ALL THEIRS. So never beat yourself up because somebody else is a human without any humanity in them. It is NEVER your fault when other people are awful. Never.
36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
And the people in the east, I hate you all
And the people I hate least, I hate you all
And the people in the west, I hate you all
And the people I like best, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

-I Hate Everyone by Get Set Go