But yeah, lotsa shit going down in Amber town. Been dropping former friends left and right, since they were never actually friends to begin with, just manipulative abusive pricks that used me when they could and ignored me when they couldn't. So, yeah, down... *counts* at least five people so far. I used to surround myself with horrible people. Why did I do that? I'm going with ungodly low self-esteem mixed with a people-pleaser personality. But now that I've gotten rid of the majority of the trash, I'm left with almost nothing but actual friends, ones that give a shit and aren't just trying to use me. Yays! That'll be a first. I fully blame Ben. He helped me grow a spine, or at least helped me realize I needed one in the first place. Lovely new experience, I must admit. Pissing off a lot of people, since I no longer let them abuse me, but eh, they're the horrible monsters, no matter how badly they talk about me behind my back (which they do, a lot, sometimes in front of my friends, whom they were also abusing and thus had zero loyalty). Not exactly the brightest ones, you see?
But yeah, speaking of ditching worthless people that need to die a slow and painful death, I finally made an appointment with a (hopefully) competent doctor's office. I go in at 8:45am this Friday, but it'll be totally worth the early hour if it means I get an office full of professional people that not only know how to do their job, but actually do it. Sure as fuck didn't have any of those things at Horizons (oh the horror stories I could tell you, but that'd be an entire post on its own since they were just that god awful, so I'll save it for later). I'm hoping this time the doctor will do any of the required tests or the non-optional patient history that's about 70% of the process before telling me I didn't have fibromyalgia, since the Horizons doctor only sent me in once for x-rays, then never talked about them ever again (which might actually be illegal, but I'm not sure, do they have to tell you the results from tests they prescribed?), but still declared I didn't have it. I can't wait! Competency! At last! Thank the gods!
I've been 110% failing at the diet and exercise thing for the past few months. It's usually because I'm either so tired even though I didn't do anything, or so in pain that even lying on the couch reading a book hurts. I feel like I'm failing my housemates on the Hogwarts Fitness Challenge I'm part of on MyFitnessPal. I actually missed one of the exercise challenges yesterday, and I'm afraid to log on now because I know they're going to be really nice and understanding about it, and that'll only make me feel guiltier. I'm not sure I deserve my spot there. I only exercise when it's part of a challenge, and even then I've skipped two times so far. I'm losing us possible points because I keep stuffing my fat face with food and weighing in with a gain. I just... I don't think I'm good enough for anybody to depend on me. I failed that Diet Bet miserably (I just could not lose those last two pounds, no matter what I did the final two weeks). I think I should just accept that I'm going to be fat and out of shape and miserable for the rest of my life. I keep buying stuff like ice cream and candy bars and fast food, even though I know it'll make me gain weight. I can't motivate myself to do any exercise. I haven't even hooked my Wii up yet, and I've been living here for almost a year now. I'm hopeless.
I just can't make myself do anything lately, diet, exercise, or otherwise. I started a short story for an anthology about a month or so ago. I was so excited, because I was finally going to have something published that was more than 100 words (that's what a drabble is, in those two books I got into). But I got about 2,000 or so words into it, and then never got around to finishing it. I'm sure the submission process is already closed by now, so I'll have to publish it myself if I ever finish it. Not that that'll ever freaking happen, since I DO NOT finish any stories that I start. Two times in my entire life have I ever finished a story. Twice. Out of probably at least a few hundred different attempts. I never finish anything that I start. Ever. I just fail that badly. I don't even finish watching freaking anime series on my computer. Even something that simple. Ugh.
Well, in good news, I finally got my engagement ring! I only took a little over a year, but yay I have it! It's moldavite with amethyst accent gems, and it's so freaking awesome.
But yeah, moldavite came from one specific meteorite that hit the earth 14.8 million years ago. I am currently wearing an outer space rock. How freaking awesome is that? *squee!*
Still no pregnancy yet, though. We started trying again, now that I'm not in as much pain as I was there for awhile, and now that the drug is out of my system that my idiot ex-doctor prescribed me that completely halted ovulation as a very common side effect even though we had told her repeatedly that we were trying to conceive (I wish that was the worst thing she'd done). I'm really hoping, though. I want a bunch of kids (about four or five), but I'm going to be 31 in less than a month and I don't want to be having kids at too late of an age. I really wanna meet that little person, but I haven't made it yet, so I can't. Soon, though. Soooooooooooon.
The house hunting gets to begin next month. We're going to try and find something vaguely near where we are now that's in our price range. It'll be damn hard, cuz we po', but I'm sure we can find something. *crosses fingers* I fucking hate living in an apartment complex so freaking hard. People are total dicks. They open your dryer when it's only been on for a few minutes to check (because hearing the dryer running isn't enough?), then don't bother pushing the button to restart it, so you have to spend another $1.25 to send it through a second load. And that's when the washers and dryers are actually working. Then there's the field of dog shit that we have to walk through to get to our car. You're supposed to clean up after your horse-sized dog, but again, people are fucking dicks. Then there's the fact that people like parking so where they're blocking half the fucking road, just because it's right in front of their apartment. And they do this when there are spots available only a few fucking feet away! Parking in parking spots where you're not inconveniencing everybody is just so passe. Other people don't deserve respect, because you don't want to have to walk for less than a fucking minute. And last but not least, it still creeps me out when I'm trying to sleep and people are talking literally right outside my bedroom window. Don't really appreciate all the cigarette butts on my front porch, either. And the upstairs neighbors accidentally shot a bullet through our ceiling a few months ago. Yeah, apartment complexes can all go fuck themselves. As soon as our lease is up at the end of June, we are out of here. Never. Again.
Starting to make wedding plans. We're thinking maybe June, if we can find a nice park and save up some money (we won't need much). Kinda wish I could have a big wedding, but I'd probably get stuck doing all those boring as hell cliches, so maybe it's better this way? I wanted to get married outside anyway, so a park is perfect. I like the idea of walking down the aisle barefoot. ^_^ And if we do a potluck (and force people to bring stuff that isn't chips and dip or a bucket of Walmart coleslaw, but actual food), we can save a few hundred bucks, at the very least. The food would probably taste better, too. I've yet to have food from a caterer that tasted any better than "eh, it's okay, I guess." My step-dad promised to buy us the cake, but seeing as how we haven't even received our Christmas present money and it's already almost halfway through March, I'm guessing that ain't ever happening (because John, no other explanation necessary). I have a friend who makes cakes with her mom, and she offered her services. Seeing as how she'll be a bridesmaid, I'm hoping for a teeny bit of a discount.
It would seem that, due to only having gotten about three hours of sleep last night, that my brain has officially shut down for service until further notice. Maybe this time I'll actually update more than two or three times a year, so I'll be able to remember the stuffs when I'm writing. Wish me luck.
Also, why the fuck did I get 57 hits to my website yesterday? I received no comments, no spam comments, and I hadn't posted anything since January. Dafuq?
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